How to Save Your Marriage

Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain.  For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track.  But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes.  Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.  

What are you bringing to the relationship?

One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship.  This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping. 

Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad?  Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings?  Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you?  Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her?  Are you loving and affectionate?  

Your marriage is like a bank account.  You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account.  If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry.  You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.  

Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?

Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it.  If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect.  And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.  

A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”.  Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment.  Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours.  Compromise is essential to a good marriage.  Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.

Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?  

While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well.  Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways.  Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.  

For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends.  However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day.   Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.

These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage.  The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse.  As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.