Saving My Marriage

If the primary concern going through your head these days is “what am I going to do about saving my marriage”, you are definitely not alone.  At any given time thousands of couples are struggling with marital difficulties.  Many are in a full blown marital crisis or have already given up and filed for divorce.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  Allow me to share with you some steps I took to get my marriage back on track when, like you, all I could think about was saving my marriage.  

Change expectations

When my marriage was falling apart I had to realize that if saving my marriage was truly important to me, then perhaps I needed to start by changing my expectations.  I was young and naïve when I got married.  I had all sorts of unrealistic expectations about marriage which were creating problems.  Following were a few of them which I had to change:

• A good marriage should never have conflict

• My spouse should know me so well that I don’t need to say out loud what I’m feeling inside – if I’m upset, he should just know why

• There should always be lots of romance and excitement in our marriage

I wish I could say that is the entire list, but for the moment I will just share those.  As you can see, I had expectations which were impossible for even the best marriage to live up to.

Be a giver not a taker

Another area which I really needed to change for the sake of saving my marriage was to stop always being a taker.  While I didn’t mean to be, I began to realize that I was often very selfish in the relationship.  I expected my spouse to give and give, but I wasn’t really giving much in return.  I had to really step back and recognize that I couldn’t take my spouse for granted; that I needed to let go of my self-centered tendencies and start looking for ways to be much more giving to my spouse.  

Build up my spouse’s self-esteem

One of the areas I had really let my spouse down was by not truly building up her self-esteem.  I had just naively assumed that she never needed that from me.  She had so many wonderful qualities.  I rarely said or did anything affirming, because I thought she didn’t need it from me.  Needless to say, when I really started focusing on saving my marriage, building up her self-esteem became a top priority.  

Be supportive

One of the key areas I really needed to focus on with regards to saving my marriage was to be much more supportive of my spouse.  I had foolishly taken her strengths and self-confidence for granted.  I didn’t realize just how much she longed for my support, comfort and reassurance

Saving my marriage became a high priority for me.  As I worked on each of these three areas I found that my spouse was responding by giving me more of the same in return.  I had been neglecting my marriage for a long time.  Hopefully, you will stop neglecting yours and begin taking some powerful steps.  For me, it took time and effort, but it was well worth it.  I hope it is for you also!